When I got my first coaching client in 2009, I had no idea that leadership coaching would turn into a career. But just last week, I was calculating my coaching hours and I found that I have coached over 5000 hours in the last six years. That got me wondering what are the most common, powerful lessons clients have learned in our sessions. Luckily, I write those down. At the end of each meeting, I ask each client to identify the most powerful lesson or idea from that meeting. I boiled over 3000 key learnings down to these:
I don’t want to help my kids anymore.
I used to but now I’m over it.
A few months ago, I was on a bike ride with my two oldest (eleven and nine) and stopped by the creek to hangout and rest. They were tossing rocks and arguing about something or other. Annoyed at the bickering, I bet them $5 that they couldn’t get across the creek and back without getting their feet wet.
“Deal,” they said. (more…)
Boys without dads don’t have to follow the same rules as everyone else.
I could steal from my mom, cheat on tests or fight at school. I could treat people how I wanted.
My behavior wasn’t my fault. I’d been abandoned by all the fathers I’d had. I was damaged goods.
That was how I saw things most of my life. It wasn’t until my 30’s that I realized I had been telling myself the wrong story all along. I wasn’t a fatherless child. I’ve had three fathers who have each given me a gift which helped me grow into the man I am. (more…)
As if there weren’t enough people holding my feet to the fire, now my grade-school aged kids are doing it.
I asked them to.
The other day I was driving from the gym home and I started noticing how many people were texting while they were driving. I counted. In a seven mile drive I counted 15 people typing on their phones or reading while they were driving. There was a 16th woman who appeared to be watching a video her friend was holding for her as she drove. I didn’t count her.
I am not judging these people. I do it all the time..
My wife calls me out on it. She pointed out that the kids see me do it and soon they will be driving. They are learning by watching. I decided I wanted to change my behaviors. (more…)
Would your team march across a scorching desert to help you reach a goal?
One of the most important and most difficult things we must do as leaders is to motivate and create loyalty in the people we lead.
Many leaders try to solve this through talking. But pep talks are the five-hour energy drinks of motivation. They fire people up for a bit, then wear off. And as with caffeine, your team builds up a tolerance to your “come-to-Jesus” talks. They get less and less effective.
But there is another way.